My First Post

      Well this will be my first post on here in a very long time and I do not know how I really feel about it. I am not one that shares a lot about me to anyone who doesn't really know me but I do not have many friends nor do I really talk to my family so here I am.  I wanted to start writing and sharing my story to people because I know there are so many people who are struggling just as much as I am right now and I could help them so much with sharing my story they could also really help me too. I guess I will jump into then I am 28 years old from Rhode Island and currently struggle with anxiety and depression. I am overweight and have been bullied through school some years worse than others. I have tried everything to lose the weight but I could not stick to any kind of diet. My mom and I had a really toxic relationship, I was in a 5 year relationship to which my boyfriend was mentally and verbally abusive and during this time I was cutting myself along with planning on killing myself. I wrote out letter to my parents, brother and people who I thought needed to hear why I was going to take my own life. Thankfully I got out of that relationship, my mom and I are doing much better (I do not live at home so I think that is a big part of it), I was cleaning my apartment and I actually found the letter that I wrote to my parents and brother and that made me really emotional because I thought I got rid of those when I was in the process of getting better. Honestly I still have them in my desk drawer because I really do not know what to do with them. I honestly do not think that I can say that I have told myself " Kayla I am proud of you". I know I should be but I just feel like I am just a disappointment tom family and I will never be the person that they want me to be. My dad is 1 of 10 children and they need to have things go a certain way for everyone and if they do not they will let you know especially if they do not approve. My decisions in life have are not approved one bit by that side of the family and anything that I do is never good enough for them. I really want to get my head back in the game to make myself feel good about myself again. Working on yourself is at least I think is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I should be proud of myself. I moved out and living on my own, I have a job and I hope everyone likes me and that I am doing a great job, and I am seeing a little bit of a difference from going to the gym. I just hope that one day that side of the family would be proud of me one day. That is it for today hopefully I can make it back here tomorrow. 

                                                                              Thanks for reading, 

                                                                                    Kayla